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Posted by A. B. Dada on January 30th, 2006
My last post was about building confidence — the main trait that is common in successful entrepreneurs. Confidence gives you a drive that can separate you from the rest of the pack, especially those who don’t realize that they’re followers. The difference between a leader and a follower always comes down to confidence.
I really believe that confidence can be built directly out of faking it. Believing you are confident actually will help you create successes where you’d usually fail, and these successes actually make you confident. Yet confidence is much more than the internal feeling of belief in yourself — confidence is also something that is visible.
If you’re not a confident person, and you’re considering faking it to try to build it, I’ll let you in on some “secrets” that can help you build that real confidence in the long run. One of the most consistent traits of a confident person is eye contact — it is also one of the hardest things for most people to do. We’re all shy on occasion, and concerned about how we appear to others. They say that the eyes lead into the soul.
I think it is all bunk. Once you realize that the person you are dealing with at the moment is just another person with the same fears, concerns and shortcomings as you have (or had), you’ll be able to overcome the fear of making good eye contact. I find that approaching the eye contact situation with short steps is the best way to overcome any fear.
When I was younger I was unable to make good eye contact — even with my own family and friends. Eye contact can be a make it or break it trait in dating, and it is definitely a deal maker in business. How do you overcome the inability to consistently react to eye contact? Small steps, as I said.
The first thing to do is find out who you are not afraid of looking at and being looked back by. For me, it was the old ladies working at the supermarket. Get yourself in line. Buy some gum. Make that eye contact. What do you have to lose? Over time, you’ll find that making eye contact with the “retiree” working the part time job is an easy thing to do! Where you might have been unable to before, just a few swings through the checkout aisle and you’ll be the master — of making eye contact with a person who could be your grand parent.
If you’re one of those insecure types who could never make eye contact with anyone your age (especially a member of the opposite sex), this is a must-do situation. You will be pleasantly surprised at how quickly a common store employee can help you overcome your fear without them even knowing what you’re doing. My success rate with insecure unconfident friends is 100% by starting with the over-the-hill retail target.
As you progress, start lowering the age. If you’re unable to or hit a snag, try keeping eye contact with someone younger than retired, but maybe severely over weight or very unattractive (male or female). You need to get it into your head that everyone is the same. It is much harder to practice on a supermodel, though, than on an average person.
Confidence is really the key to being a successful businessman or even a success at any relationship. Faking it until you own it is important, and the best way to start is to overcome your shyness step by step. Once you are the expert at making and holding eye contact with anyone (even that supermodel), you’ll be surprised at how quickly previous failures start to bend back towards you as successes by will alone.
This site is now part of the Global Unanimocracy Network.